It’s All in Her Head (and It’s Exhausting)
The ‘mental load’ is hurting relationships. It’s time for a cultural shift.
One thing I know I don’t want my daughter to shoulder alone if she ends up in a long term relationship with a man is the “mental load” that almost always falls on women. Unfortunately, if the next 20 years looks anything like the last 20, it’s almost inevitable that she will. This is especially true if she chooses to have children. over the last two decades research by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has consistently found that women employed outside of the home shoulder 65 percent of child-care responsibilities, and their male partners 35 percent. This holds even when women earn more in their actual paid jobs than their male partner.
Anecdotally, it’s ubiquitous too. Friends, and the women I see in my psychology practice both individually or as part of a couple, complain about the mental exhaustion of managing all the tiny details of making a household run. And they’re deeply frustrated (enraged, resentful…divorced) that they can’t seem to make their male partners understand. It’s the kind of work that is usually taken for granted and is dubbed invisible labor for a reason.
